how can i??

I'm so dead~~ I feel like losing a part of myself which I adore. Seems like lately, I've turned into somebody which I really hope I could change. I guess some changes are not meant to be fit for me. The feeling that I have now is a mix of despair and joy. I'm proud, but the feeling is slowly fading. I have nothing much to offer to myself. Sometimes, I feel so disappointed over my own self. Soon, I began to understand. It is me that will decide which one that I wanna be; the past me or the new me. Either one, that's the path I'll decided to walk on and any other changes that'll come, I've to handle them wisely. I've to prepared to face the battle on the real world~~